Friday, August 30, 2013

Crushing 101, An Introduction

Let's face it.  Most of the photographs that people take of birds (myself included) belong in the garbage. Frequently, this does not deter people from sharing and showing these photos to hoards of internet users of the world wide webs.  Isn't it time we had a place where this type of behavior wasn't allowed? A place where only the best photo in a thousand would be permitted to rear its beautiful head?  A place where average-quality shots of rare birds for documentation purposes were strictly prohibited.

I present to you the latest and greatest from Handsome Dan (AKA Dipper Dan, AKA Don Mastwell, AKA Old Man Dan) of TPAD fame.  A brand new place to find All Things Crushed.  Please enjoy.

The basic concepts of Crushing are simple:

First, buy an expensive camera.  Next, get as close as you possibly can to a facemelting bird and press the buttons on your camera until said bird is Crushed into a two-dimensional image.  It's that easy.

Costa's Hummingbird, Angeles National Forest.  In the rain.  Visible raindrops add bonus points to any Crush.  Plus they show that the photographer (Crusher) was out in the shit, getting the job done.  No matter the conditions.
Grace's Warblers, in my experience, are not so easily Crushable as this one. It flew in and perched about 20 feet in front of my face, as if to say "Please sir, Crush me into a completely flat, 2-dimensional object known as a photograph."  Sometimes a bird just needs to be Crushed.

Crushing is performed all over the world. In the UK, birds are Crushed on the left side of the road. The effect is still the same, however, and results in melty faces. Great Crested Grebe, London.

Eurasian Kestrels make nice Crushes. This one was in Richmond Park, London. 

While not a prerequisite for Crushedness, the rarity of a bird does add strength to any good Crush.  Also, Crushing rare birds that your friends have never seen in their lives is enormously satisfying. Northern Shrike at Quail Lake, L.A. County.

Jay. The complexity of its wing coverts makes up for the simplicity of its name.  Jay makes for a fairly melty Crush, even though it is a common bird in London's city parks.

Most Crushers know that the Eye is the most crucial part of any good crush.  An out of focus eye immediately removes a photograph from the Crushed category. Volcano Junco, Cerro De La Muerte, Costa Rica. 

Magenta-throated Woodstar. Crushed. Crushing birds that come in to feeders (Geri Birding) is one of the easiest and most reliable ways to obtain Mega Crushes. You can also enjoy a meal and a tasty beverage between Crushings.

This is another Geri-Crush. Speckled Tanager, Costa Rica.

Crushing birds is muy fun, but can have its limitations. Basically, not everyone wants to look at photographs of birds. Even if said photographs are actually spine-tingling, tooth-grinding, crippling Crushes of unreal proportions.  So from time to time you have to Crush other stuff.  Like this White-faced Capuchin at Carara NP, Costa Rica. Hell, you could even crush a frog, a snake, a dragonfly, or a person.  I plan to Crush all kinds of stuff in the coming years.

That just about wraps up Crushing 101, An Introduction.  Now that you are familiar with the basics of Crushing birds, I look forward to sharing future crushes.

Until next time my Crush Bros.

1 comment:

  1. I am the nation's 7th best birder, and I endorse this blog.